Hoping In Pink For April Rose

As most of you know, I follow some blogs religiously! April Rose happens to be one of them (see link to her page on this page).

Today is April's mommy's due date! 40 weeks... a milestone she didn't think she would make! Well, her friend (Raechel) proposed an idea that anyone that can possibly participate on this day do this for April's mom. Wear something pink, anything pink, because afterall we are "Hoping In Pink" and email it to hopinginpink@gmail.com . She is posting all pictures for April's mommy to look at. She has quite a few so far. And don't worry if you can't wear pink or don't have pink. Take a picture of something pink and the title of the day, "Hoping In Pink". That is what I did.



Dear little April Rose:

I hope you are born screaming your little heart out. Your mommy needs to hear your cries. She has wanted to see your face for so long, hold you in her arms, and love you. May God continue to let you grow (even though you are only a lil' peanut) until it is time for you to be born. You have overcome so many milestones with your mommy already, and people are truly amazed you made it this far. Stay strong, grow stronger, and come out to your mommy and daddy the lil' fighter that you are. They can't wait for you to be here and those who have been praying for you can't wait for you to be here either. You are loved in so many ways! God Bless!!!!

~Hope
Marlboro, NY

Sometimes I Think I Am Crazy, but I See Something In These Photos

I was looking through the different photos posted on Adam Freeman's Facebook by people all around the country (possibly world, not everyone gave their location) posted of their balloon launch in memory of Kayleigh.

The first one I saw that actually had a description of after the balloon was launched and I took the picture, a cloud resembled an angel. Well, I didn't see the "angel" they were referring to, but I distinctly saw what looked to me like a face. Yes, eyes, nose, and mouth. Judge for yourself:



In the next three, it almost looks as if the balloons are floating into Heaven's light (they are gorgeous photos)







In this photo in particular, it looks as though there are "angel's wings" on the right side of the photo (they are faint in the clouds)



And finally in the last photo, it looks as if there is an angel's silouette in the clouds. if you look under the last three balloons on the right hand side you can see it.



As I said, I may be crazy, but I see something here. I think lil' Kayleigh made her presence known to all who supported her and her family in one form or another. In my case I believe it was the mysterious purple balloon and the "stuck" balloon unsticking itself, flying higher than anyone could imagine, and whisking itself south. The ONLY balloon that went south.

The Lord works in mysterious ways and our loved ones (or those we have prayed for) let us know they are watching in mysterious ways.

Have you ever seen a butterfly and thought of a loved one passed? Have you ever heard a special song and felt the prescence of someone gone to soon? Have you ever felt a cool breeze and the feeling that things would be okay and your "guardian angel" was with you?

All of these things could be a sign that our loved ones (friends or family) are still with us, watching us, protecting us, loving us.

Rest in peace sweet Kayleigh and may God continue to give strength to the Freeman family!

Kayleigh Anne Freeman's Balloon Launch

My girls and I released balloons in memory of Lil' Kayleigh. Before I share the launch, I would like to share two pictures that were on Aimee's page. One is of a letter (or note) that was typed like it was coming from Lil Kayleigh:



And the sweet Lil' Angel who has touched so may lives and filled our hearts with her amazing strength, Kayleigh Anne Freeman:




It was an uneventful Sunday. I bought four, pink latex balloons to let go. We decided to do the launch at my future mother-in-law's home because we had not seen them in a week and they wanted to be involved. We arrived there about 2:30p. I go to get out of the car and my mother-in-law says, "A strange thing occured right before you arrived. I was sitting on the back patio and thought I saw a large purple bird (at this point I am asking her how much wine she had, lol) and I went out the door to the woods and found a single purple balloon floating." She saved it and had it tied to her grill.





The girls immediately wanted the balloon. They took turns playing with it and at one point we had to chase it down to the lake across the street because it "drifted".

I readied the balloons for the launch. I filled out the cards and placed them on the balloon.













I removed the heart which was holding the balloons down. This I am placing my bible to remember Kayleigh.



At this point, I was set. We went out to the road because we thought that there wouldn't be anything the balloons could get caught on. In the yard there were TONS of trees.



A plane flew overhead right as we were about to release the balloons. It was flying SOUTH. Allie (holding tight to the purple balloon that found it's way to mother in laws) blew a kiss to the plane and the first balloon released by her big sister, Kayla.








The first balloon drifted east so quick it was hard to keep track!





The second balloon. my lil' Emma's got caught in the tree!!!!



The third and fourth balloons drifted east also, but not as quick!





By this point Michael (my fiance) is throwing a rock at the tree branch that the other balloon is stuck on. I said to him, "Before you give yourself a concussion, stop throwing rocks". He finally stopped. As we are trying to keep track of the balloons as they disappear into the sky, all of a sudden I hear the girls scream, "Look Mommy! The balloon is UNSTUCK!" And I swear as God is my witness that balloon blew out of that branch WITH NO WIND! It flew straight up and when I say straight up, it was so high I thought it would just pop and drop.



But, it didn't. And for some reason when that balloon got as high as it could go, it blew south. THAT is when the tears started flowing. I said, "Dear Lord, is that lil' Kayleigh taking her balloon and grasping it? Is she now sending it south towards her mommy and daddy?"

And that precise moment, the sun shown through the clouds for the first time ALL DAY!!!!!



After the launch was over and we were walking back to the house, the purple balloon all of a sudden "popped". No warning, nothing. It was in the air, string in Allie's hand one second and POP the next!


Releasing those balloons in Kayleigh's memory will live with me for the rest of my life. I may have never personally met her and her family, but they remain on my mind and in my heart everyday!!! God bless the Freeman's for the strength they show. God bless lil' Kayleigh for her strength and determination her 11 months of life. May whomever finds the cards, pieces of paper, etc. from those balloons log onto her website and read her story. May her strength and life live on forever!!!!

The things that happened today such as the purple balloon showing up and popping on it's own, the plane flying south, the balloon getting stuck going straight up and then south, may ALL be coincidences. Or it could all be a lil' girl's spirit who knew how much people prayed for her. How much she was truly loved by her family and all who supported her.

Again, God bless you Aimee and Adam. You truly have the fight and determination that some can only dream of having!!!!!

~Hope
Marlboro, NY

A picture of some of the family involved. This is my lil' sister Katie who also prayed for Kayleigh, but could not attend our launch, myself (Hope), Emma Rose (age 5), Kayla Anne (age 7.5 yrs. the one who prayed for Kayleigh the day after she passed) and lil' Allison Jade.

Bless You, God Bless You, or nothing at all?

Last night I was working and someone sneezed. I said, "Bless You". I say that to anyone who sneezes within a ten foot radius of me! This person, instead of a simple thank you replies, "That's what is wrong with the world today. Everyone takes God out of everything." and walks away. I was left bewildered. I didn't say GOD bless you because I did that to someone of no faith one time and got blasted for using His name. I was at a loss. Trying to be polite and get judged for not saying God? I love the Lord. He is my strength and redeemer. I think he understands why it wasn't said "that way". In no disrespect to how I was taught growing up, but the Lord is in my life everyday. He is part of everything. I don't exclude him. What would you do in a situation such as this? Walk away or call the person on their comment? I am still thinking all this over today!!!!

As for today, please remember to let a balloon go (preferably pink) at 4:00pm in memory of Kayleigh Anne Freeman. If at all possible also place a card on the and of the balloon that reads:

Kayleigh Anne Freeman
Our One Pound Miracle from God
(6/23/08 - 5/11/09)
www.KayleighAnneFreeman.blogspot.com

So whomever finds the card may look into her story and her life will live on! God Bless the Freeman's today and always!

Conversations With A Child

Last night I was at my daughters' soccer games. Emma was playing and Michael and I were playing "tag team" with the other two girls at the adjoining playground. It was my turn at the playground and the sun was setting so beautifully (if that's even a word)! While I was helping my baby girl Allison, only two years old climb, I couldn't help but stare at the sunset and think of Kayleigh. What is she doing in Heaven? When children pass away do their souls grow up immediately or do they age as they would here on Earth? My oldest, Kayla, noticed I was just kind of staring. And she says, "Hello Mommy, you there?" Waving her hand in front of my eyes. I said, "Yes honey, just thinking is all." Of course being a lil' wisenheimer she says, "You think too much." The girls then decide they are going to build sand castles. The playground is located on a bed of play sand. I help them build and start staring at the sun again. I found a rock and cleared sand until I found the wet part which is always buried underneath and wrote "Kayleigh Anne" in the sand and started to say a prayer for her and her family. This sparks Kayla's interest and she says, "Mommy, why did you spell my name wrong?" She is after all KAYLA ANNE. I said, "I didn't honey. I am saying a prayer for this lil' girl and her family. The sun is shining down on her name and I know God is looking over this family." She asks, "What happened? How little is this little girl?" I said, "It's hard to talk about this to you because you are only seven, but I know you understand things. Remember how mommy reads about other families who are in need or who need prayers and I pray for them? Well this lil' girl was born very tiny. She only weighed a pound. She never got to leave the hospital, but she fought to gain strength and get bigger, but she couldn't fight anymore. She was only eleven months old and she went to be with Jesus." Well her eyes got huge! She said, "I don't know what I would do if one of my sisters ever died." And she knelt down right next to me and said, "Dear God, please keep Kayleigh safe and warm. Please help her mommy and daddy not to be so sad. Let them feel Kayleigh in their hearts just like I feel my uncle in my heart." We think children are oblivious to situations, but between being emotional as it was constantly thinking about Lil' Kayleigh yesterday and then having my daughter saya prayer was SO big in my eyes. She only knew what I told her, but yet she cared enough to pray for the fmaily. That means SO much to me!!!! She may have her times where she doesn't listen and drives me batty, but she has a heart and she has shown it more than once. God Bless the Freeman's and God Bless all those who have prayed for them!!!!

Kayleigh Anne Freeman (June 23, 2008 - May 11, 2009 @ 9:44PM)

I have been following a blog for awhile and have mentioned it not only in my blog, but on the message board I belong to. http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/
Lil' Kayleigh born at only one pound and fought for eleven moths gave up her fight last night. Her parents had eleven months with her, but none could be spent at home because of the fragility of her health. her parents dream was for Kayleigh to pass at home, but her lil' body just became more and more weak. My heart breaks for this family. I have never lost a child, but I could not imagine what the pain must be like. I was talking to a friend of mine via IM and she said "Miangel welcomed her to heaven with open arms". Miangel is a lil' baby who lost her life to SIDS two years ago September 8th. She would have been two this past Friday. I am working on a poem about Kayleigh. I am not sure how it will turn out, so bear with me while I finish it. My heart breaks for her family and they will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers the next few days, weeks, months....... God Bless the Freeman family at this time and always!

Mother's Day 2009

I received this in my email and wanted to share it with you all...... How true it is! Happy Mother's Day to all!!!!

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.



Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby..
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom...
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

High's/Lo's Thursday!

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and get your link on their site.


My high's this week are:

Emma is excelling in speech and will be in her first sports article this Friday (her soccer team won their first game), Allison is speaking more everyday, Kayla had an awesome report card and good parent/teacher conference, I have a job (even if it doesn't pay much), my health is somewhat okay, my children are ALWAYS my highs no matter how rambunctious or mouthy they get

My lo's:

I don't know where we will get the money to pay all of the accumulating bills, I still need to go through tests for my pituitary tumor, back and see a gastroenterologist, I don't know how we will handle finding child care when we don't have the money to pay for it and NY has cut back on it's child care subsidary


What are your high's and low's?

Just Made This On WiddlyTinks.com

I belong to a message board (hi girls!) and someone had a link to www.widdlytinks.com It has pregnancy counters, birthday counters, photo collage thingys, and stick families...... I am loving it!!!!!


Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com


My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

Happy Birthday Emma Rose!

Tomorrow, May 2nd, Emma will be FIVE! She starts Kindergarten in September. Where has time gone? My lil' baby has grown to school age. She has overcome so many obstacles and she teaches me what it is like to fight, to not give up, because she is a trooper! I love her more everyday! Happy Birthday Baby!!!!!


My Montage 5/1/09

Health, Anniversaries, Birthdays... OH MY!

This past week has been such a whirlwind. April 25th was my Allison Jade's second birthday.



Very uneventful for a second birthday because I had to work. Her first birthday also uneventful because we were on our way home from vacation which was Memphis,Tennessee with her Nana and Grampy (Grampy LOVES Elvis). I feel terrible for her not being able to experience a real birthday, but both years funds have been very low. She is sharing a party with her older sister, Emma this weekend. Emma's birthday is this Saturday, May 2nd and she will be five (going to work on a montage for her... more on that later).

Next comes the doctor's appointment. I have been having issues with my piuitary gland for awhile now. I was diagnosed with a tumor in 1997, right before my father passed away. I didn't tolerate medication, so in 1999 they removed it and it was benign. Well, now here I am again in 2009 and it has regrown. It is significantly smaller, but it has only JUST started to grow back. Having this tumor cause issues with, well, "womanly" functions. Those issues have resurfaced. I thought it was because of the tumor and the doctor ordered blood work and an ultrasound to rule out any tumors, cysts, etc. "in the womanly organs". Needless to say, those all came back NORMAL! Thank God for that, but now I have to go to MORE doctors to find the answers to what is causing all of these new "issues" I am having.

Wednesday, April 29th, was the anniversary of my father's passing. TWELVE YEARS! I can hardly believe twelve years have gone. Still to this day, I miss him more than ever. I know that I will see him someday in Heaven because he was a goodman. He may have had some faults, but we all do, right? I spent the greater part of my lunch hour at the cemetary. I don't go there as often as I used to, but there are just some days that I go and sit by the stone, reflect on life and what is going on, and "talk" to my father. It may sound strange because I know the body is no longer here, but I feel "at peace" when I am there. I don't have anxiety, I don't worry about everything, it's just me, the trees, the sound of birds, the breeze, my father's presence (oh have I felt it), and the Lord. Here is an older pic of my father and my grandmother (his mom). I love this picture! He loved his family and you can tell by how he is holding onto my grandmother and OH did she love him too!



Now, it is Friday and Emma Rose's Fifth birthday is closing in. Five years ago I was already IN labor! Emma's labor was nearly thrity six hours long. She was a lil' bugger and didn't want to come out. They had to give me Pitocin to bring her down. But, I persevered and she was born on May 2, 2004 at 11:30am. She was my lil' hambone weighing 8lbs. 2.5oz and was 20 inches. She never cried... and I mean NEVER! Not even a whimper. She just came out and looked around. I look at this child and she has overcome SO many obstacles in her life. She failed her hearing tests, but eventually passed. The hair that moves sound waves in our ear was "stiff". She had speech difficulty, but has made leaps and bounds with her speech teacher. She has fine motor difficulty, but she is also overcoming that. She is still a very SENSITIVE child and has her tantrum moments, but I love her more than life herself. On her "bad days" I just want to cry because I try and comfort her during her tanturms or try to find a way that she won't tantrum, but I haven't found an answer. I am still looking for an answer as to how and why. Again, I turn to the Lord for that!

It's been a whirlwind week with blog reading also..... Lil' April Rose http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com/
not yet born and with SO Much against her keeps getting STRONGER! Here mom's belly GREW after not growing for three plus months and they said she wouldn't grow any bigger. They said her heartrate would only get lower and now it's in the 130's and has been for two weeks plus. Is this the Lord's work. Is He listening to all these people who follow April's mom's blog that aren't her "real life" friends and all the prayers for a miracle? Only time will tell!

Lil' Kayleigh.... http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/ such a fighter and beautiful baby girl! Now she is having so many problems. The doctor's have basically declared her "brain dead" but her parents just want to be able to take her home, have family time, let her be in the room they prepared for over nine months ago, and be at home with her family when she passes... IF and when she passes.

So many blogs I follow. I try to read each daily, but between three kids, my work, it gets hard. But even if I don't get around to reading the blog, I still think and pray about each situation, each person affected daily. I have always been the type of person to put my own needs to the side and focus on others. So in closing, I wish everyone nothing but the best. I pray the Lord continues to hear your prayers, my prayers, your friends prayers, and heeds to your wishes, grants you your miracle, or simply gives the comfort you need in a time of need.

This has been a busy week (a rough week), but I have gotten by on prayer and my chidlren's laughter!!!!